Small Consolation From The Big Fish
I was worried this would happen -where everyone would be overly self concious and sensitive about posting their photos, intimidated by me! - I know, and sympathize, sometimes I'm amazed myself!........just how good looking the GW shark actually is! Please! Try and keep in mind, this, is not a beauty contest!
......and, no, I haven't had any 'work' done, and yes, I have heard rumors and innuendo to the affect that I have had a nose lift ....rubbish! -though I do understand why someone might think so -with all the glitz and glamor that comes with being the big star in the fish world........ sometimes I do think maybe I should have something done about these scars and gouges on my wonderful aqualine, conical snout -er..I mean nose!
....as far as my disarmingly candid smile goes -sorry, don't even waste your time trying to compete with me..I mean, how many of those little herbivorous, chicklet shaped teeth do any of you have at any given time? 20, or 30? - whereas with my toothy grin, its 3000 lovely serrated edged daggers at any given moment! (- I know what you are thinking - 'how does the shark afford his dental bills?' the answer is, I don't! -when one tooth breaks off -another simply moves up to take its place! like a conveyor belt of extra sharp kitchen cutlery!
lets just skip past those deep, dark sensitive eyes of mine........I don't want to have you all leaving notes to your loved ones, jumping off of tall buildings........and as far as my beautiful two-toned skin goes.....now, I understand how weird you humans can be about skin coloration (something unfathomable to the Great Shark-)..I would just remind you, that beauty is only skin deep..... I know, what you are going to say: 'easy for him to say swimming around in that beautiful sharkskin suit he is wearing -but what about us? -doomed to walk this earth in skin that has us all looking like pink or at best, beige or black, plucked chickens?!'
I'm empathetic, and feel bad for you! Evertime you come to visit me, dressed in those silly black neoprene seal suits suits I think to myself, what do these human think, that everyday is Halloween here at the Farallons? (Though I do understand why you might get that idea- what with things on occaison getting slightly spooky here at Maintop Bay - the fog, the high, grey-green seas, dorsal fins, decapitated sea lions floating in pools of blood and everything....... ) -'why don't these humans get real and understand they don't have to get all gussied up on my account, I'LL eat VIRTUALLY anything!
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