SHARKFORUM: OPINION WITH TEETH

I've even gotten over the original horrors I felt when (sometime in the 1980's, I think) it became de riguer for each winner to express his or her thanks to "God" or "the Creator" or whatever deity is currently in the artist's favor. As if God Almighty had some interest in whether Coldplay's whining strains prevailed over the angst-ridden boredom of Radiohead. At least that is my memory, it may be inaccurate.

I got bitten by this particular bug as a youngster. I cannot remember whether it was a Grammy show or a People's Choice awards shoe or an American Music Awards, but the TV commercials said the Stones would be appearing. And there they were. All dressed in white leisure suits, the Stones were not there in person (which was, indeed, a big letdown) but on videotape they rocked my world. In their white suits they squatted in a tiny room -- more like a cubicle -- while a camera shot them through a fisheye lens. They played "It's only Rock n Roll" while the room in which they were playing (lip-synching) steadily filled up with white foaming bubbles. "Tommy" had recently come into theaters. Perhaps Jagger, always eager to steal someone's good ideas, was ripping off the "beans and suds" scene with Ann-Margaret from "Tommy."

In any event, I became hooked on awards shows. The heaviness of the moment when some talentless neckbone realizes that he or she has just won a Grammy and that next week that person's mediocre record will go gold or platinum brings with it a bouquet of emotions that can only be fully appreciated by someone who has struggled in the same manner and NOT won an award. That talentless neckbone may not necessarily be a great artist but indisputably that award winner has as great a capacity for joy as any other artist, or any other hopeful nominee in the assembled crowd.

It didn't even bother me when the Starland Vocal Band won "Best New Artist" beating out the Clash in the late '70's. In the art game, we're all winners. It's doubtful that the Starland Vocal Band will ever be nominated for induction into the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame. So justice eventually will out. Still, it's no shame to enjoy the sincere thanks of artists winning awards and reflecting credit and glory back on those foolish and semi-willing souls who put up with said artists' bullshit along the way toward scoring a (however fleeting) hit song.